so
monday to friday i would go to work
i would leave very early and would sometimes sleep on the bus
my state of mind was functionable but not aware
so this is what i do
as i wait to get off the bus i check to see if my connecting bus is across teh street
and if it is i check he lights to see if they are in favour of my running to catch it
i think that because i do this so frequently thatt my mind got used to being able to run
so on wednesday
i checked and saw that my connecting bus was there and i even checked the lights
but theni ran out onto the road to cross and looked up at the lights again and noticed for teh direction i was going the lights were actaully red…
but because i was so very very tired it didnt really register that traffic was going to be coming across my path and it didn’t register that this was dangerous….i just thought it was weird
so
i almost made it to the center median
but as i continued to run for the bus a red car in the turning lane just beginning to build up his speed screeched on his brakes
it was so close that i actually put my hand onthe hood of the car and pushed myself further away from it as i continued to run
when it was all done i was like what just happened there?
was that sonjas red car?
did i actually just run into traffic?
what the crap?
HOLY HECK!
im so dumb!
So I kept running across the street so I could catch my bus
I got on the bus and was like oh God please don’t let the bus driver tell me how dumb I am
I will cry
She didn’t
But she saw
Everyone did
Everyone in the whole intersection
Then not only was I so embarrassed that the bus driver saw
But then, because I had crossed when it was time for the east-west bound traffic to go, my south bound bus had to wait till at the light AND THEN it waited to get all the people who had got off my first bus and going south! All the people who had seen me nearly get hit by a car
I was, deservedly, embarrassed
But I thought about how embarrassed I was and I had not actually been hit
How much more embarrassed would I have been if I had been hit?
If my legs were broken?
If I were severely injured?
And all to catch a bus so I wouldn’t be 6 minutes late for work
I was embarrassed into a better perspective on daily life
That I hope will last, but am foreseeing wont
Why would I nearly kill myself FOR THAT!
It makes me think of drunk driving or anything that dangerous
I can now easily imagine lying in a hospital bed and thinking I risked THIS… FOR THAT!
I find I just get into a daily routine and don’t seem to ask what i am putting at risk and what for
When I make that comparison lots of things I do don’t add up
Continually not getting enough sleep to have fun – risking my health
Not eating right to save money – risking my health
Not replying to phone calls or messages because I wont know what to say – risking the witness that the Lord has been using me for
Not doing the very important things I need to do because im scared to do them and am stepping into unknown territory – risking financial loss
Plus others
It seem so silly to me that im willing to risk these things that are a important and are blessings to my life
Im so thankful thatthat car almost hit me
Im very sorry to the driver to have stressed them out
Oooh it makes me feel so bad
But im glald that it happened
But im even more glad that the Lord protected me even though I didn’t deserve to be protected
I will never forget this.
1 Comment
February 12, 2008 at 15:12
oh danielle….*sighs*
i can see it all…
and all i can say is that at least your not hitch hiking rides with crazy people.