Drug Study Funnies

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so many things happen in drug studies that are way way funny or way anoying
but some of the people can be catagorized easily…
and even though theyre different people… there are some common characters in each study…

- theres always one guy who is like the alpha male of the group and is the king of the tv and no matter who that guy is he always ends up putting on those obnoxious movies like saw or crank
or some other retarded that im not sure how this would not be considered porn
so thats always lovely…

- theres always at least 1 girl who, at 7 on a snowy morning, looks like she is going out to a club
like really are we supposed to think youre so important that you need to wear your hoop earrings and have your hair done up and have your hooker boots on…. i know youre going home to have a nap anyways so what the crap
is it that youre trying to impress the drug study guys
so that when you walk up to give your blood they all watch your but and wish that you and your shiny new 50$ was coming home with them
like really
do you really want THOSE GUYS to like you
which brings me to my next point

- lifers
lifers are lazy creepers who almost always are still living with their parents and who do drug studies as a way of living
some of them are crazy from all the drugs theyve taken (like brain drugs – not the ones i do)
some of them you just wouldnt want to meet in a back alley anywhere
some of them seem normal but when you start talking to them are really weird -
like this one guy who does a drug study every month and just reads (see sounds cool) but he also only buys female oranges and male celery and other gender specific fruits and vegetables. he also told me he just ate cake icing for like a month or something just cause he liked it
so yeah there are the normal looking weird ones
but theyre usually just entertaining and not like life threatening

-then there are the mammas
there are the women who have children at home and drug testing is good for them cause it pays the bills and lets them have more time with their kids
theyre usually pretty nice
but theyre funny cause they usually have boyfriends in chicago or detroit and that seems to just be ok with them

-showering
showering is funny because there are two opposing views on the subject in the ladies washroom
1) group always points out that the people who dont shower are ‘naaasty’ and they say it jus like its spelled.
2) then there are the other people who thinks its ‘naaaasty’ to show while youre there because of the chance of getting foot fungus – plus having to bring all your shower stuff
im in category 2 but i dont mention that to anyone because id rather not be involved in the discussion
i would also like to note that the girls in group 1 are usually the ones who are going out clubbing at 7am
i dont really know what that means
but im sure its something

-the stupid ignorant white guy
this guy isnt in every study but he ends up being in alot of them
he too is different every time
but hes always an embarrassment to humanity
he is middle aged and often looks like kim mitchell (circa 1980)
the stupid white guy thinks he is very very funny and uses the fact that everyone is stuck in 1 room to try his slick stand up comedy jokes
but no one laughs because no one cares
except for stupid white guy’s friend who is always white too and who is also middle aged and was probably a nerd in highschool but now has burn copies of movies and man glasses so he thinks he is cool and that girls like him
but we dont
this morning as we watched CNN as we waited to leave there was a story about a doctor in india who had stole peoples kidneys while they were in surgery
and so of course stupid white guy decided it would be a good idea to talk in an indian accent
and call the people whos kidneys were taken stupid

- the spanish mafia
the spanish mafia has really taken over the drug study scene in the last year or so
i say mafia cause it sounds cooler
at first there were just a few now there are tonnes
and they all hang out and dont speak english unless they have to
the women are usually really nice and read bibles or are really nice and wear crotch hugging spandex pants
the men walk around like all the women want to have sex with them and say things about you in spanish to the other spanish guys when you walk past them
but theyre greasy and wear tear offs and AS IF!

- speaking of Gods gift to women
there was black guy this week who was talk to two of the black mamas and and was tellin g them plainly, in a normal conversational voice that black men were teh desired men
that all the women of other races wanted to be with black men and that black men were in high demand
hes said it like he had heard this just after the story about the kidney stealing doctor on CNN
he said it like everyone knew this
like it was a fact of life
which leads me to another group of guys

-the ‘coulda gone pro’ guys
these guys wear their sweats and basketball shoes and walk like theyre football players staying warm on the sidelines.
they always wanna watch football and basketball and talk like they know everything about everything sports and have an air about them that screams i know im hot
but theyre usually the ones that live in their parents basements
or talk about how black men are the most desired
well there are others…
but those are teh ones that were sticking out in my mind right now
BUT – my favourite thing is that its really neat to sleep in a room of random strangers
Its really lovely
last night it gave me the similar feeling of sleeping under the stars

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