Things I Think

Words

danielleee — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 10:15:09 +0000

the current boy predicament that i REALLY did my best to try to stay away from…

i FELT a connection
i FELT flirted with
i FELT lovely… and each day i left those things at the door…

each day…
i focused on Christ
i wore unattractive (baggy) clothes
i wore no make up
i even talked about poop!

i pursued nothing…
because i know me
and my heart
and we get hurt too easily

but he perused…
and he persisted
to the point that he was in legal danger if i ever played the ‘professionalism’ card
so when that happened

i FELT like if i was worth that risk to him, than i was worth a lot…
when his ACTIONS spoke loudly, it was then that i began to trust…

i began to trust his WORDS…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CM: awww, adorable.
yay danielle in the dating world
woop woop
…dating world just got less awful
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CM: theres no real rule, the whole point of it is so you dont get sued for sexual harrassment or something, cuz sometimes ppl date, and then one person decides the other was a jerk and decides that the best way to get revenge is to sue them or something
im really not so clear on it, because i dont intend on being a jerk
so yeah, we’re good

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CM: aw, you’re one of the good ones. i know things will turn out
you might even be the best one
me: ok
CM: its neck and neck
me: AWWW
thanks!
neck and neck – WHOA!
CM: yep. and i dont even know who with!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THERE IS MORE AND MORE AND MORE
and, then of course, real life conversations as well…

WAS I WRONG?
WAS I CRAZY to have started to turn that cold shoulder his way?
WAS I?

the things he said were wooing and special
honouring and proper… he thought of me as a lady and treated me as such
what he said was hilarious, observant, planned, caring, deep, encouraging and hopeful

lovely and leading…
lovely and leading…

and i felt like God was saying… ‘see… everything before was worth it… FOR THIS!’

but now – after all this, i feel like i was deceived…
and i dont think intentionally…
and i dont even think by him…
i was more-so deceived by myself

BUT!

BOYS!
dont say lovely things then change your mind…
if you and that ‘lady’ dont have a safe context in which to say those lovely things, then dont!

be friends!
JUST – BE – FRIENDS!

if – after prayer, consideration and friendship through the good and bad- you still want to say those lovely things to her… THEN pursue something more and if she reciprocates…
then say all the lovely things you’ve been saving in your heart…
say ALLof them!
She WILL love it!

how much more lovely is that?!

and GIRLS!
dont trust boys…
dont trust boys to be careful with your heart…

even if they know how youve been hurt before…
even if they get upset about how others have hurt you…
even if it feels different…
even if it seems that the stars aligned for you two to BE…
even if all these things happen and more…

…dont trust boys to be careful with your heart.

girls, you all are worth lovely words!
but you were made to hear them from only one person who will love you with lovely words forever…
and if that time doesnt come, TRUST that God has and will always love you, in word and in deed, more than boy ever can or ever will.

though they should, boys dont know when to tame their tongues and their words travel deeper than your ears…
…their words make their way into your heart and into your mind and mix with all the hopes and dreams that God has given you, and soon God’s perfect plan becomes chipped and bent and changed to fit these lovely words…

we end up trading God’s perfect words of truth and love for reasonable facsimiles, just to win this idea of a prize for a contest that we’ve made up in our heads…

Christ has won it all… and He STILL considers YOU the prize

John 15:9 – “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.”

Lets remain in His lovely WORD and in His love!

Dear Summer, It’s Danielle.

danielleee — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 00:46:17 +0000

Dear Summer,
It’s Danielle.
I’ve waited all year for some quality time with you, and I thought we were supposed to hang out like over month ago… but you still haven’t shown up! These last few weeks have been the worst; I’ve been waiting, hoping that I slipped your mind for just a moment… and that you, being you (all warm and lovely), would wake up one morning and remember what we had all those years before, and come to me again. You would show up that morning at my window looking totally HOT and I would wear a summer dress and you would take me out to the beach or even just to hang around downtown, anything really – just as long as you were with me.

But seriously Summer…. lately you’ve just been so distant and cold! WHAT’S UP WITH YOU?

You’re not how you used to be… like how you are in my memories of ‘us’, you’ve changed… but I just refuse to believe the way you are right now is the way its going to be forever. I still believe in you! I’m still your number one fan! But here’s the thing Summer, I can’t just wait around for you forever because you and I both know what we have can only really last these few brief (and normally blissful) months. I’m writing to say, that in light of your absence, tonight I’m putting away my tank top and those cute shorts you like, putting on my track pants and a hoodie, cuddling up in a warm blanket, and… and I’m, closing my window to you. So, don’t bother to come like my Romeo calling at my sill until you’re ready to make up for all of this wasted time with some much needed lemonade and some good, old fashioned, heatwave educing, Summer lovin’!

Im mad, yes… but more so I just miss you,
Danielle

slamming doors

danielleee — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 17:47:50 +0000

i have been awake since sometime before 12:08pm and it is now 1:33pm…
in this time i have heard multiple doors being slammed closed (aproximatly 35 times – i kid you not!) in an attempt by a roommate to ‘smoke me out’ of what she thinks is my sleepiness… i am awake though… and i am counting…
this happens quite often…
it makes me upset
so upset that i want to write blog posts about it rather than saying – can you please not open and close (or at least not SLAM) doors in the morning…
because i have done this before and she simply deny’s that she does that…
really? so suddenly in the last hour and a half you have needed or needed to do 33 things that require you opening and closing multiple doors and slamming them closed (including the storage closet and bathroom multiple times)?!
so this time when i finally leave the room i will simply ask her to be more quiet in the morning. and she will say or sorry. and i know that next week it will happen all over again…
how un-healthily passive-aggressive of us…
community is wonderful!

(2 slams since i started this post)

rib

danielleee — Fri, 22 May 2009 19:28:29 +0000

my rib still hurts sometimes…
what hurts more is that in many ways you’ll never be fully gone

labyrinth

danielleee — Fri, 01 May 2009 08:14:44 +0000

i have this memory of being at some sort of party, i think with my dad and all the kids were watching labyrinth in the basement. and i think matt and i were the youngest there and i think matt got scared and then he went upstairs.

i also remember watching ET at my aunts house when my dad had us and i remember being really scared. and i was scared for years. and then i remembermy mum getting upset with my dad that he would let us watch ET

i also remember my cousin jeremy and his gf brenda babysat us once when i was maybe like 8-10 and we rented thelma and louise and i was scared to go upstairs to the bathroom alone and i realy had to go so brenda took me and it was right at the end and she missed the really important part

ok just a though
or two

it all started cause in dorm danielle and nice-eye would put on that song from labyrinth… (i think) and everyone would hear it and we would all know it was dance party time!
so great
one of my most fav memories
i am blessed
but i am tired

goodnight moon, goodnight stars

snotty

danielleee — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 02:36:02 +0000

ive had more colds in the past 2 and a half years than ever in my whole life put together
i suppose the stress of the last 2 and a half years… maybe… has lowered my immune system
so thats just plain stinkin annoying

oh happier news… im getting over this last cold and im pretty happy about it

St.Patricks Day and Fulton Ave.

danielleee — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 03:02:13 +0000

Memories

-Last St.Patricks Day was my favourite ever! We went to a pub and they had a guy playing live… all the good songs…oldies mainly

and it was fun. I had died my hair red cause I had wanted to for a while and cause it was St.Patricks Day – i thought if not now, when!

So i had some fres red hair and i felt pretty Irish… which I am, so that always helps…

But then the guitar man started singing lady in red… and at first I was just singing along and not noticing – and then he started freestyling a verse about how the lady in red on St.Patricks Day had no idea this song was about her… and I was like no, not me…. is it – and i didnt wanna be assuming so I started looking around to see if there was another girl with red… and there wasnt

and he was singing to me!

I FELT SUPER SPECIAL!

so – that, plus good friends (including paul coming out for a coke with us finnaly) made for a great night

AS A KID… on Fulton (Various memories from that house)

As a kid (about 8-10 at the time) – at one point we lived in a house that had 3 stories. Mine and my brothers bedroom was upstairs on the third floor. The house was a bautiful old Danforth house. 3 Stories. Wood floors that both creeked and gave you slivers…

One time in that house we got broken into. I remember they took weird stuff and left some good stuff like jewlery… but tthats also what my mom said so I dont fully beleive that anymore.

anyways… this thought was probably a result of us being broken into.

I cant remember if my mom was working overnight shifts at this point – or why I thought this….but I used to think about if bad guys broken in, about having a box spring with a person shape cut into it so I coudl hide when they finally got up to the 3rd floor. I thought Id hear them coming up the creeky wooden stairs. The way I always thought about it I thought of a starfish shape – like you were all sprad out during a snow angel – just cut into the boxspring (ora maybe another matress) so that when they came I could hide under the matress and they wouldnt find me.

Another one…

One time (when i was like 8-10) I remember my dad stayedover to babysit us cause my mom was working overnight (which I guess solves the above quandry) and this was when his back was really bad and I remember he was staying on the sunporch on the 2nd floor – just down the hall from my room (when we lived on the 2nd floor of that house). I remeber I woke up and my dad was on the floor in the hall calling me and I remeber something about socks, maybe he was throwing them to get my attention. And I remember he yelled at me cause he said he had been trying to get our attention for something like (i feel like) an hour. His back was seizing up and he had to go to the hospital. I had to call 911 and the ambulance came and the paramedics lifted my dad down the stairs and he was a big guy and I remeber they were having a hard time carrying him and so they keppt accidentally hitting the stretcher on something – maybe the stairs – and I remember my dad getting mad at them and saying something like “dont worry guys its not like I have a back injury”

I remember him being really mad

and i remmeber being really scared.

and i think we had to go and stay with our neighbours maybe Emilys mum or maybe Lee and the Dentist Vogul. I dont remember.

Christmas…

I remember I wanted a Magic Nursury baby for Christmas and I got one – but Christmas morning in the 2nd floor living room i remember just turing around from facing in on one of the beige love seats and opening my present and being happy but being too sick to be really care. and then i just rolled back. My dad was there for Christmas and i feel like he was sick too.

The basement…

I remember in grade 2 – i was in Mr. Plants class. andfor halloween (my favourite holiday) i wanted to be a running shoe. so my mom was awesome and let me we made these two giant running shoe shapes from boxes and i thik we used orange paper as the sole. and i think we spray painted it maybe in the basement…. i dont know but i remeber being in the basement trying on my running shoe. and we had ribbon that were the laces and they hung over my shoulders so i coudl walk around. I remmeber feeling really cool. it was the BEST costume EVER!

I remember we got hampsters once. Both of us. and they came in boxes with those wood shavings or whatever… i remember one time – one or both of them ran away and they got into the basement and we knew they were there cause they had eaten the dried corn that went on a sorta fall writhe that hung on our door.

TURTLES

i remember we also had turtles. i think we got them for free from someone. i think we had 5. I feel like they all died fairly soon. If i think hard about them i can remeber this feeling i had when i was looking at their tank as it need or was being cleaned in the kitchen on the counter. i remember wondering at them. Maybe we got them from Lee and the dentists maybe.

BRIEF THOUGHTS THAT NEED TO BE EXPANDED ON ABOUT FULTON AVE.

Shoes from Lee

Emily my neighbour, my best friend, the reason I came to know the Lord

Alisha babysitting

Pretty Woman and the Magnets on the VCR

Cheers – the last episode

Shea and Daniel – Living in my kitchen

Ross saying “I doubt it” about my pretty new blue shiny comforter and Shea’s muddy shoes

Leah through the lane.

The lawnsale – Bye Bye dolly

The Palm Tree Hair episode

The MACINTOSH computer – Playing Carman SanDiego

Grandpa bringing poli-sausage

Grandpa bringing GIANT chocolate easter eggs

Eating macaronni and cheese at the kicthen table

one of Matt’s friends saying he didnt drink juice with pulp

Skip it out front

Charlotte down the street

Kim saying that he grandma warned her that little girls so missing on their way to school – and bad things happen

my first time being allowed to walk to school by myself

going on the roof with Emily

Dennis’ white tennis shoes

Going to visit Dennis’ GF and her girls… Her name was Joan. They had a four seater louge swing.

Allie and Patrick – I was going to marry Patrick – Allies said she was going to be my sister in law.

Rosemary babysitting and teaching me the two princes song and also the “peace on earth – was all it said” song

the kids table at some family gatherine

watching thelma and louise with Jeremy and Brenda – I had to pee and it was one of the last scenes and Brenda took me.

Brenda gave me her “Royal Blue” feather down Gap jacket… it wasmy favourite and I couldnt wait until it fit.

Giant plastic Christmas bags for the Christmas we had in the downstairs living room.

Matt getting hockey equipment… again

Getty Merry and Marrietta

Doing magic nursury babies packages in the bathroom.

Shaving my legs for the 1st time in grade 5 – because Katie Mulrouney who was in grade 6 was like – I cant beleive you dont shave your legs.

Being sick and sitting on the floor of my moms room with a red pan.

My moms new black comforter with Pink roses.

Playing with my moms soft arms. Chubby mummy (innocently crushing im sure)

waking up late one night and finding my mom playing with my barbies… she was using them as models for some practical designes she had for her gerentology class. I remember her waking a wardrobe with little hangers… i stayed up and helped her and it was nice.

Completly Random Thought

If I was a lady in the Elizabethan Era I think I would have liked to be called Lady Whicksteed… it has a nice ring to it, and sounds classy.

Guard Your Heart

danielleee — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 22:06:39 +0000

When you choose to be in a relationship with someone, whether romantic or in friendship you choose and end up sacrificing some of your own protection, and you trust that the other person can, and will, protect you the way you need to be protected, through love, care, sacrifice, obedience, and mutual submission.

So why do we so often surround ourselves with people who have proven that they cannot protect us, or our best interests because they cannot, and/or already do not, do it for themselves or for the people currently in their lives?

I think its because we know that they are worthy of such love. we know how much we are loved and forgiven, and how much we are trusted again and again by the Lord and it compels us who have been forgiven much to try and forgive others just as much, so that they might experience that love and acceptance we have known from heaven, in a human relationship on earth…

and yet, we do this almost selfishly because what we want is then for that person to reciprocate that love and acceptance to us…

which is not a guarentee because you have already sacrificed that protection in order to be in that deep relationship and so you are vulnerable…

and even if it all turns out as it always does in movies, any moment of vulnerability is paralyzingly painful…

but for me, as a beleiver in Christ… it is both a terrible and lovely time, because it reminds me that I can only ever lean on Jesus and can trust that ONLY the Lord can love and protect me that way I need to be.

Only Christ can complete me.

todays thoughts…

danielleee — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:51:41 +0000

- I JUST WANT WHAT I WANT!

- Im really happy with my new curling iron

i hate this / the green comet

danielleee — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 09:28:24 +0000

its 4am

i went out tonight after, possibly, our second to last talk, and i looked at the sky in hopes of seeing the green comet…

i saw it…

it was there…

right where i was told it would be…

but it wasn’t like the pictures…

it wasn’t clear…

it wasn’t dazzling or gleaming…

it wasn’t breath-taking…

it was just nice…

…and mostly it was just there…

…it was more of a let down than anything else…

…it was similar to this.

similar to all this, right now…

though i know the comet is fading out…

i just want, so bad, for it to be the brightest thing in this sky…

and i know that right now it cant be…

…so i know that it never will be…

…and, for now, that’s maybe because the brightest thing in this sky still needs to be the son.

so then i wonder…

if i know that the sun shines infinitely brighter in the day, why do i choose to stay in the sleepy-haze that follows the fanciful seeking of fleeting and fading comets in the night?