i have this memory of being at some sort of party, i think with my dad and all the kids were watching labyrinth in the basement. and i think matt and i were the youngest there and i think matt got scared and then he went upstairs.
i also remember watching ET at my aunts house when my dad had us and i remember being really scared. and i was scared for years. and then i remembermy mum getting upset with my dad that he would let us watch ET
i also remember my cousin jeremy and his gf brenda babysat us once when i was maybe like 8-10 and we rented thelma and louise and i was scared to go upstairs to the bathroom alone and i realy had to go so brenda took me and it was right at the end and she missed the really important part
ok just a though
it all started cause in dorm danielle and nice-eye would put on that song from labyrinth… (i think) and everyone would hear it and we would all know it was dance party time!
one of my most fav memories
i am blessed
but i am tired
goodnight moon, goodnight stars
Filed under Memories, Thoughts on Family, Thoughts on Friends, Thoughts on Fun, Thoughts on Grace, Thoughts on Life, Thoughts on Life Together, Thoughts on Lyrics, Thoughts on Music, Thoughts on my Adolescence, Thoughts on Parents
i am a TTC Crazy
i think i look normal when compaired to the others but im definatly crazy
mainly because when i get on the TTC often two irrational fears swell in my mind making it difficult to relax
FEAR 1. my hair being cut and later used for a vodo doll through which the crazy person coudl control me.
i have had this fear for a long time… maybe like 12…
it mainlly happens on the bus because everyone is sitting facing forward…
i try to sit in front of people who look trust-worthy and like they probably dont have scissors in their bag…
BUT sometimes those people get off at like the next stop and then then IT SEEMS IN MY HEAD that the weirdest guy on the bus decides to move to that seat…
its mostly that im scared on men doing this
i dont think a woman is likely to do this
sometimes when i first sit down on the bus i am aware and i tuck my ponytail into my scarf or my sweater or my jacket… or if its summer i bring it to my shoulder so i know where it it and know that its not being cut.
im not sure how i feel about vodo…
its definatly evil…
BUT IM SAVED…
and i have the power of the blood of Jesus Christ… (its basically the closest thing to being a superhero!) so really… i dont think that even if someone cut my hair and used it for a voodoo doll that they could control me
especially cause i think they would still need a personal item of mine
but i dont know if it actually works…
so I DONT WANT TO TAKE MY CHANCES…
FEAR 2. Getting off the bus/subway
when i know my stop is approaching i get nervous…
the voodoo fear is somewhat validated because you never really know with torontonians
but this one i dont get…
ive been riding the subway since i was conceived
so you think id be pretty relaxed about this…
i wish i was…
so what usually happens in my mind is this…
-while still at the stop before my stop i check that i have everything in my bag and that nothing is missing like a glove or wallet or my ponytail and i mentally prepare for getting off
(as i am writing this i amm laughing out load cause i am such a nerd! oh my the things that run through my head are crazy but i dont realize HOW crazy they are until i am in preparation to share them with the world. anyways)
-then i think through how long it usually takes to get from the current station to my destination. this is easier on the bus because you can see when its coming. the average is think around like 2 minutes for each station. but york mills to lawrence is like and hour and a half… one time i had a major internal freakout because i did not realize that this was such a long ride between these stations and i got up too early. which is the next problem ill get to in a second.
-so then i try to figure out which side the platform is on so i dont have to turn around once im up. knowing that this makes me stressed i should have them all memorized by now… well i think i mostly do for the east end of toronto and the yonge line… and honestly… why would anyone want to go to the west end?
finch and kennedy are kickers cause you never know what side it will be
but its usually not that bad cause everyone is getting off so there is less looking at others (i hope some of the others feel stressed too and that im not the only crazy one)
-so once i standup there is alot of anxiety… i just dont like it when people look at me… especially good looking men. then i feel like… oh great.. is my fly down? is my hair messy? did i leave a glove on my seat?
but then i also worry that if men are looking at me that theyre taking a mental picture and will be ‘un-holy’ later…
so sometimes (especially at night, and always if im the only girl on the train) i will purposely look ugly. like ill snort or wipe my nose on my sleeve or draw my chin back and make many double chins… who wants to be un-holy to that!
ok so yeah i dont like the standing up part.
so sometimes i just wait till im at the station to get off so that theyre is no standing/looking fear… but this greatly increases my ‘i may have left something behind fear’ so i usually opt for the standing…
but i do use the ‘last minute sneak out the door when the train is in the station’ exit when im the only girl on the train or if there is a particularly stalker/rapist/killer looking man who had been staring at me for the duration of the trip.
i think this is crazy… but so far i have been blessed by God (im pretty sure there have been multiple times when there were angels there protecting me) and none of those things have happened to me so i think i haveto do my part to be wise.
-ok so, once im off the train im usually fine unless i dont really know the station well
in which case i usually get embarrassed (dont ask why… im just crazy) and i feel like the people on the subway are watching me so i usually go with the flow and hope see signs for where im going…
my dad used to be a private detective so he always used to teach my brother and i self defence and street smarts…
one of the things was to never look like a victim.
dont let people know that youre not sure where youre not familiar with your surroundings or you could quickly become a target.
this advice came in handy when i was in NY by myself… i couldnt find a map before hand in boston to study
so when the bus stopped in chinatown i didnt do what im sure many new comers do and stand looking around at their map right at the bus stop. i just started walking….
andi lived so hey…. maybe theres something to this…
so yeah i usually go with the crowd but today (cause i was late-ish) i stopped and checked before i started wlaking.
and then the craziness stops.
pretty crazy huh!
i would just like t say that before anyone suggests a psychotherapist or hypnotization to cure me of this… i have been working on both of these. today the lady behind me got off and someone sat behind me and i didnt even turn around to look AND i left my ponytail BEHIND my shoulder…
so im going places… (get it!)
ok in other news… i took the TTC to a job interview today at the salvation army. its just for a seasonal christmas position where i would be in charge of overseeing corporate volunteers who come in and help distribute toys and food to needy families in toronto for Christmas
WHAT A WAY TO CELEBRATE THE LIFE OF CHRIST!
so that woudl be cool.
the excitement for these types of jobs remain but the hope is barely there…
waitn? (these usually have to do with food isnt that awful) once again i want a crispy crunch but i have to try to get into this drug study in like 2 hours so i can have chocolate…
my hands are SO cold!
Filed under Memories, Thoughts on Angels, Thoughts on doing the Opposite of what is Right or Good, Thoughts on Family, Thoughts on Food, Thoughts on Funny, Thoughts on God, Thoughts on Jobs, Thoughts on Life, Thoughts on Parents, Thoughts on the Human Body, Thoughts on the Mind, Thoughts on Toronto, Thoughts on Travel